Though It's Been A While Now, I Can Still Feel So Much Pain
by AmericanEulogy
Summary: Rachel really thought she was over Ross when they broke up the last time nine years ago now. The group has drifted apart since then and when Rachel runs into Ross at a burger place, seeing him for the first time in years, she realizes that her old feelings have never really gone away and the pain is still fresh. Will things ever be the same again?


**Author's Note:**** This fic's title is a lyric from Poison's song 'Every Rose Has Its Thorn'. I absolutely adore this song, it is one of my favorite sad songs, definitely worth listening to, so if you don't know it yet, go check it out! But it is sad, just to warn you. Anyway, this fic is written from two points of view, first Rachel's thoughts, then Ross's. You'll see how it works, and how the title fits into the story. Anyway, enjoy!**

Rachel's POV:

Seeing Ross again was really hard. It made all these old feelings bubble up again that I didn't even know I still had… I can't remember how long it's been now, eight or nine years. I know we broke up nine years ago. I ran into him at a burger place today. It was awkward at first, because none of us really talk to each other anymore. The only ones that do are Ross and Monica, but they kind of have to. So we sat down and talked for a while. It made me realize how much I miss him, how much I miss all of them. They were the best friends I'd ever had, and I truly loved Ross. Some things just don't work out, I guess. It was really nice today, but we decided not to do it again, we just think it's better that way. Still, though, it was great seeing him again. He looked so good. At least the years haven't changed him too much. I wonder if he's seeing somebody new? Or if he's married again? We never talked about that, I guess it felt kind of weird to both of us considering our history. I guess it's better this way. I think it would have hurt too bad if he was with somebody else. I can't believe it's been so long. The feelings are still there. I guess feelings that strong are hard to shake off, I just didn't expect them to be that forceful now still. I kind of wish I hadn't run into him so I wouldn't be dealing with all this right now, and thinking of him so much. But in the same way, I wish I could see him again. In all the years we were apart I never once thought about what would happen if I did run into him, or whether my feelings would change at all. Now all I'm left with is this emptiness inside of me. I wish I could see him again, even though we decided together that it would be for the best not to. I wonder if he ever thinks about me anymore. I wonder if he contemplates the 'what-if's like I do. I wonder if he wishes he could see me again too. I wonder if he's thinking about me right now…

Ross's POV:

Seeing Rachel again made me feel conflicted. On one hand, it was great, and God does she look good. She always did. But on the other hand, now I feel very confused about my feelings for her. Little snippets of how it used to be kept coming up… I kind of miss that. No. Stop it. Ross, you can't think like that. You can never go back to that, think of how much pain it caused you. But… the pain was worth it, just to see Rachel smile. God, she has a beautiful smile. I wonder if anybody else gets to see it these days. I wonder if she has a new boyfriend. I wasn't going to ask her for fear of the answer. If she did have a boyfriend, it just might have killed me inside. Oh God, what am I thinking? Am I still in love with Rachel? I can't be. It's been like nine years. But then again, feelings as strong as the ones I had for her never really go away. I loved her in high school, for Christ's sake! It's such a shame none of us talk anymore. I miss when all six of us used to hang out every day. Joey, Chandler, Phoebe, Monica, Rachel and me. I wonder how all of them are doing? The only one I still see is my sister, and even that is a rare occasion these days. I haven't dated anybody in over a year. Maybe I should. Maybe I need to get over Rachel again. But do I really want to? No. Not really. I wonder whether she's even thinking about me…

Rachel's POV:

Should I call him? No, I can't. I told him we wouldn't see each other anymore. But… I want to. I need to, almost. I can never fully get over Ross. Not with all that history. I really thought we were meant for each other, even with all that fighting. Even with the whole 'we were on a break' thing. The phone's right there… Should I call? I don't know…

Ross's POV:

Should I try to call her? Maybe she's changed her mind about not seeing each other again. But… it was her idea. But people change their minds, don't they? Of course they do. I did. Hmm… the phone's right there. I don't know…

Rachel's POV:

There's no harm in trying is there? Hmm… His number's still on speed dial. I never had the heart to remove it from there. Okay, here goes. Good luck, Rachel. It's ringing… still ringing… oh God, come on, Ross, please pick up. I need this. Come on. Oh! Someone's picked up! Wait… that's not Ross! That's a woman. Great. Maybe he's dating her. Or worse, maybe he's married to her! Oh God! Maybe I should have found out before hanging up. But oh well…

Ross's POV:

Maybe I should call her. What's the worst that could happen? She could turn me down… Well, I should be used to that, shouldn't I? I guess I could give it a shot. Okay, now where did I put her number?

Rachel's POV:

The phone's ringing. Is it Ross? It could be Ross. What if it's Ross? Oh God, what do I say, what do I do? Take a deep breath. Be calm. Okay. Oh, just the stupid credit card company. Of course it wasn't Ross, what am I thinking? He's probably already forgotten all about our stupid meeting today anyway. Oh God, Rachel Green, what are you doing to yourself? You can't fall back into this! I guess it's a little late for that now, huh?

Ross's POV:

Why can't I find her number? It must have gotten lost in the move! Damn it! I wonder if Monica has it… No. No, I can't ask my sister, that's a little pathetic. Nobody needs to know. Rachel's probably busy anyway. She's probably forgotten all about me again by now.

Rachel's POV:

Should I call Monica? She still lives in our old apartment. I bet she has Ross's number. No. No, I can't do that, I haven't talked to her in years, I can't just ask her for Ross's number now. That would be really pathetic. Oh God, this is pathetic too, Rachel. Take your mind off it. Go have a drink. Yes. A drink. That's what I need. Okay, I'm grabbing my coat. Here we go. Wait, I need to try his phone one more time. That woman again… I guess I'll just shoot for it and ask. She doesn't know a Ross Geller! That's a relief to me, but I guess that means he must have a new number, and I don't have it. Ugh. Back to the drink. Out to the bar. Here I go.

Ross's POV:

I can't believe I lost her damn number. I wonder if she tried to call me at all? No, I'm sure she didn't. I need to get my mind off of her, this is bad. I'm falling back into this. What can I do to stop thinking about her? A bar. I'll go to a bar. Maybe I'll find a girl. Okay. I'm at the bar. Hey, that girl looks pretty. She looks just like Rachel. Rachel… it is Rachel! Oh my God! She's smiling! She tried to reach me but she couldn't!

Rachel's POV:

I can't believe it! That's actually Ross! He wanted to call but he lost my number! Oh my God! Oh my God… oh, that feels good. Oh, his lips are just as sweet and soft as they used to be. Oh, Ross, how I love you.

Ross's POV:

She tastes amazing, like always. I can't believe this is happening. It's all I wanted. I won't let her go this time. Not again. I can't believe my luck today. I guess we really are meant to be.

**Author's Note:**** The end! Hope you guys liked that! Please, PLEASE review, it would mean the world to me! Tell me what you think of it, the style and the idea and stuff! Thank you!**


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